it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
