Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
