Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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