I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize