Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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