i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
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