I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
