and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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