they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
How external is "for external use only"?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
