Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Please don't give away my fajitas
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
