why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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