I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
