it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
