We named our party play list daddy issues
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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