Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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