just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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