He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize