Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
