I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
