Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I just threw up on my dentist
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
