Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
