I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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