how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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