very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
