I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize