Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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