I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
