My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Randomize
