I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
