I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
