??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
