too bad you live with your parents still
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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