Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
