Screwed.edu
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
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