Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
