I want to make a zoo with you.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
