I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
my being single is dangerous.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
third nipple confirmed
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
