you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
