i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
My life is pants optional.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
