I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
