At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
