you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
