Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I still have a little drunk in my system
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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