good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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