Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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