Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
