Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
