I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
