OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
