Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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