if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
