We're facebook friends in real life
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
