I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Randomize
