I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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