overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
She even gives head with a lisp.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
