best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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