I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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