Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
