They should really pass out barf bags in church
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize