im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
