"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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