Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
