there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
