haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Randomize