I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
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