Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
The beers last night were like the tears from god
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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