hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
