they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
