Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
