Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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