im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
